November 2011
1 post
Testing the uses of Tumblr
Test test test
October 2011
1 post
Men and restoring cars (i.e. me)
The ‘male thought process’ phenomena from the parallel world of project vehicles.
Indeed, fleet size is related to theoretical driveway/garage storage places thus:
FS = Pth + Ptemp + int(0.5+(Dnew + S))
Where: Pth is the theoretical storage places is based on Mini sized vehicles, stacked. Ptemp is theoretical storage places available on a temporary basis from friends and family, Dnew is...
June 2011
3 posts
Best do this now. You may die from a vegetable.
Earlier this week, a good friend of mine showed me his ‘Bucket List’, and it got me thinking what I would put on mine. For those of you who don’t know, a ‘Bucket List’ is essentially a list of things you would like to achieve before you go to meet your maker. Rather than wait to be diagnosed with E-Coli from a dodgy cucumber before making a list, I thought I’d make one now.
A quick Google showed...
What has been on my mind all week =(
I met a troubled man, his words were kind, A friend he did become. But then I sipped the poison, and spoke my mind, And all became undone.
A vow to meet another time, we parted ways, But knew was if not when. I wish my friend knew how much, i want to say, I’d like to hear his words again.
March 2011
2 posts
Thank you Camelot!
This week I will be winning the £117,000,000 Euromillions Lottery jackpot. There is no way it cannot happen this time, and in celebration of my soon-to-be riches, I have devised a plan on how I shall spend it (after parking my current Vauxhall Astra in the Managing Directors private parking space at work and leaving it there).
First of all, a house in the country that’s suited for men. I know...
Gyms, Genies and Gunships
As I write this I have my cat continuously attempting to lie across the keyboard. This is very inconvenient, so I’ve just pushed her off, taking down the pile of empty coke cans with her and landing on her head. Cat has mixed feelings about the situation.
Since I last updated this, I have been dieting a lot and using the gym/squash courts at least three times a week. As a result, I have now lost...
October 2010
1 post
September 2010
1 post
Tesco, Turville and Towersey
I’m actually getting increasingly worse at updating this. As I said though in my previous post, it doesn’t help that there is more excitement in a pot of Yakult than there is in my life.
Well, first of all, I had my holiday! Which was fun, sort of. After much hassle with updating the SatNav with French roads, and me desperately resisting the urge to purchase for it the voice of Yoda, the family...
August 2010
1 post
Some swedish meatballs in a swedish shop that we...
Blimey, looks like I haven’t updated this in quite some time. But then again, not too much really happens in the world of McGoun. Life has been very good, but it has been about as exciting and eventful as a flower arranging competition.
I finally have the old Astra serviced, and it is now running a lot better. It had better run better; last month I averaged 22mpg in my little 2.2 Astra. That’s...
July 2010
3 posts
Dappy, Happy, and somebody needing a nappy!
In an earlier blog, I spoke about people not fit for society, and as an amusing example, I mentioned those incapable of using a toilet. Only occasionally have I encountered such a situation. Usually a service station or a portaloo; the latter being prone to having faecal matter smeared across the wall.
However never did I think I would encounter such an example as I did over the past few days....
Meep!
So I’ve noticed that it’s been a while since I updated this. Many times have I opened up a Microsoft Word document to write a new blog entry, but then sat looking at the blank page for ages before closing it and watching The Big Bang Theory instead. However I have done some various things this week, so actually have something to talk about now.
First a reason to celebrate; my room FINALLY has its...
Goodwood Festival of Speed
Right now I feel like Daad Mohammed; a sixty year old man with 84 children and 4 nagging wives who he has sex with at least 10 times a day. No I’m not feeling lucky, I feel bloody knackered!
In my last blog entry I mentioned that the next day I was visiting the Goodwood Festival of Speed. I also said that I would make sure I wore plenty of sun lotion because I was fed up with hot weather and I...
June 2010
18 posts
Remove from packaging, and leave to bake all day...
I know I complained about the weather before, but because I’m male I would like to complain about it again. 30 Degrees Celsius is fine if you’re on holiday abroad, or have the week off to relax at Glastonbury or laze by the river fishing with some beer. But I’m not abroad, and I’m not fishing. I’m stuck in an office wearing formal trousers which seem to absorb all the heat, and make things very...
Anonymous asked: Write more :D
Alex McGoun: Not helping finance James Corden or...
When I was younger I played a LOT of computer games. I was always disappointed that my dad didn’t buy me my first console until I was nearly 10 years old, meaning I missed out on playing the classic Nintendo, Super Nintendo and Sega Mega Drive era. By the time I did play them, I was so used to playing the graphically superior Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time that Sonic the Hedgehog was quite...
Old MacDonald had a farm, ee-i-ee-i-oh!
I’d like to talk to you today about animals. We are a family of ‘animal lovers’ and to date we have three cats, two degus and some fish; if it wasn’t for the fact the cats would either kill, scratch or grumble at other animals (depending on size), we’d happily have more. Or should I say, I would happily have more.
I like unusual pets, and I find myself bored by conventional animals. I have cats...
On the Ning Nang Nong
As the name of this blog suggests, I do indeed have a mental age of four. No this does not mean I giggle when someone says “willy”, spread jam on the walls and put Lego up my bottom, but it means I can take great joy in a lot of things that most people consider themselves “too grown up” to do.
Speaking of Lego, I’ll still happily get the Lego out the cupboard (or what remains after two brothers...
True Story
The castle was dark, only a small flickering of light came from the private quarters of the brave knight. He sat at his desk, surrounded by parchment letters from friends, family and foes. He himself was scribbling away a letter to a dear friend, when he decided he couldn’t hold it any longer and must go to the bathroom.
He walked through the halls, which were dark and silent. He passed the...
Day 8203 in the life of Alex (yes, i worked it...
I woke up this morning to the sound of builders doing fuck all other than stamp their feet, hammer on bits of wood and drill needlessly. And shout at each other like apes. I swear that’s all they’re doing, it’s been a few days and it doesn’t look like much progress; I did however notice a large number of empty mugs and digestive biscuit packets. I can’t complain though, it was 1pm and I had...
You have just failed an IQ test sir
There are three types of intelligence; Academic intelligence (i.e. being a brilliant mathematician, a scientist, etc), common sense and the ability to fit in to society. Through working with the general public since 2006, I’ve observed with great sadness that about 90% of the British population not only do not deserve a place in society but also lack common sense, and in my opinion that’s the most...
University Challenge
While I was at school I never enjoyed education. Sixth form was ok, but I always did the bare minimum which resulted in me barely scraping the minimum A-Levels. I also have awful money control. Put £100 in my hand and I will have spent it on something by the end of the day, with each purchase accompanied by me saying “ooh shiny”. I also have £500 come out of my account in direct debits each month...
A Question of Sport
I’d like to start this blog entry by saying that when your neighbours are in the garden, standing by the window and then shouting “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAH ROONEY, ROONEY” and watching your neighbours get up and run quickly indoors is the funniest thing ever. Needless to say I wasn’t watching the football; I’ve always hated the game and the global business empire around it, and was instead wiping brown...
A reflection
This is just a quick one really. Maybe it’s the severe lack of sleep this week, but I’ve been in a very deep and reflective mood today. Thinking about past situations, how I should have handled them differently, how I shouldn’t have let opportunities pass me like they did. I also had a fantastic late night chat with one of my aunts the other day which really did open my eyes to a few things.
It’s...
Road Raaaaaaaaaage
Driving is my passion. Not to blow my own trumpet too much, but I’m bloody good at it too. This is why bad drivers cause me to turn from this gentle giant, to a foul mouthed monster that you half expect to be foaming at the mouth. Anyone who wants to know just how foul mouthed I become, ask my mother, who heard it first hand when I placed my mobile onto the passenger seat after our phone call, and...
DIY SOS
All last night I had a really painful headache. No sleep at all, so I called in ill to work, got back into bed and slept more until the neighbour screaming at his dog like a disobedient wife woke me up again. Thankfully headache had died down, so decided to arm myself with paintbrush and roller and a tin of white paint. Most of you will know I’ve been decorating my bedroom now for about five...
Michael Fish are you crying yet?
I’m not entirely sure what’s happening with British weather at the moment. All I know is that it’s not being consistent and I hate inconsistency, consistently. I’m not a fan of hot weather I will admit, although owning a black car does make my view point biased. Open the door and step inside and receive third degree burns to your face and hands. You then have to have the windows open which messes...
Trinny and Susannah, where art thou?
This October, i’m being taken clothes shopping by a good friend of mine. Now some of you may look at me with raised eyebrows about this, and walk away from me with a limp wrist, but the fact is I have no decent clothes at all in my wardrobe.
The reason is my lack of interest in clothes. I see clothes as a basic necessity, not a luxury, so I don’t spend much money on them. I see a T-shirt for £30,...
I will huff, and I will puff, and be better off...
I woke up twice today. Neither time was a pleasant experience. The first time was at about 9:45am, realising i’d overslept for work, and shot out of bed like there was a crazy Cumbrian gunman outside my window (ooh too soon?). The second time was at about 8:15pm after i’d gently rested my head on my computer desk for a few moments forty-five minutes earlier…. and this time I’d got the letters of...
The trouble with technology.
Despite my blog being titled “child stuck in a mans body”, I cannot work technology for shit. Kids these days can set up a Wembley Stadium rock concert, my half brother Max can take one look at a TV/DVD player/Skybox and set it all up and it will work pefectly.
I however cannot do this. I spend 30 minutes sat on the floor sadly looking at all the wires, becoming frustrated with the...