This week I will be winning the £117,000,000 Euromillions Lottery jackpot. There is no way it cannot happen this time, and in celebration of my soon-to-be riches, I have devised a plan on how I shall spend it (after parking my current Vauxhall Astra in the Managing Directors private parking space at work and leaving it there).
First of all, a house in the country that’s suited for men. I know you’re now thinking I want a gay brothel, so let me clarify by saying a house that looks beautiful and historic from the outside, but very modern on the inside. It needs a pool table in the living room, a swimming pool, and a very large patio (with shelter) for us men to cook the BBQ. In fact, there are two things which we men love doing the most; washing cars and cooking a BBQ. I could happily spend every summer weekend doing those things. Women would be banned, unless they promised to leave the salad alone. I don’t want floppy green water adding unneeded calories to my burger. My house would also include my own private gym, so I can eat said BBQ and not have tits.
Speaking of washing cars, the house needs a garage. Not some small garage, but essentially a nice looking stone warehouse, where I can store the fleet of historic and modern vehicles I would buy. Classics would include the 1977 Aston Martin V8 Vantage, and a Shelby Cobra. Modern vehicles would include your usual mix of supercars. I would be incredibly tempted with an Ariel Atom, although the result would be…flammable, and me leaving my £17million fortune much earlier than expected.
I would then buy a yacht. Not a small yacht, but a BIG one. With Jacuzzis, swimming pool, a decking area for my BBQ, and last but not least, a helicopter pad. A discussion with colleagues ended with the conclusion the yacht would be kept anchored in Monte Carlo, and every month we’d drive in a convoy of convertible supercars through France at ‘some’ speed to spend time on the yacht. I don’t think I would ever get tired of saying “Hey guys, who fancies having a party on my yacht?” I’d even hire cocktail makers, and a lifeguard to save those who’d inevitably fall into the sea and be eaten by a shark.
To those who claim I could become bored with my wealth, fear not; I’ll be occupied by starting up a Business and looking after my pet Donkey, which I will call Munchkin. My Business will be a small office, but my employee’s will have high motivation. Mostly from watching their Managing Director arrive through the main gate backwards in an Ariel Atom.
For those of you who want a share, please apply in writing to ‘The Mansion near Thame with a Lamborghini screeching in the front yard and a terrified Donkey’.
Now, who fancies having a party on my yacht?? =)
