I woke up twice today. Neither time was a pleasant experience. The first time was at about 9:45am, realising i’d overslept for work, and shot out of bed like there was a crazy Cumbrian gunman outside my window (ooh too soon?). The second time was at about 8:15pm after i’d gently rested my head on my computer desk for a few moments forty-five minutes earlier…. and this time I’d got the letters of my keyboard imprinted into my forehead, and even now it hurts like a bitch to look left.
The reason for this inability to stay awake is because last Sunday I made the bold move of joining the gym. The reason this is a bold move, is because since I stopped school PE at the age of 16, the most exercise i’ve ever got is walking between my computer chair and the fridge. I do not find exercise pleasant. Call me odd, but sitting relaxed listening to music with a bar of Dairy Milk has always been more enjoyable than running around, getting hot, sweating, feeling out of breath, and aching all over afterwards.
Yet for numerous reasons, i’ve decided that its time to bite the bullet and put myself through this torture 3-4 times a week, plus at least one game of squash too. And other than the 15 minutes on the exercise bike which leaves me with pins and needles in my penis, it’s actually a fairly enjoyable experience. It also gives me opportunity to laugh at the women who come into the gym in the morning, and spend the entire time walking on the treadmill. Now… this isn’t a cheap gym, so I do ponder why these women are spending so much money to just walk on the treadmill. I mean, walking you can very easily do for free. I myself don’t use the treadmill, I prefer the cycling machine and the rowing machine. And as much as I’d love to go rowing in a proper boat, through lack of nearby river and boat big enough to stay afloat with me in it this is not realistic. And as a keen driver, I refuse to join the enemy that is the cyclist.
Also, its safe to assume that if you’re at the gym, you do not have the most amazing of bodies to show off right? Right! So why do people like to wear the tightest, thinnest clothes humanly possible when they use the gym? I do not want to see the entire outline of your cock or camel toe thank you very much. I’ve been kind and bought the baggiest jogging bottoms I could find, you should share the courtesy.
But visual complaints aside, the exercise isn’t too bad. Depending how I feel, the workout lasts between 30-45 minutes and its not killed me yet. And then I come home, shower, do my hair, then leave for an 8 hour shift at work. Fun times!
Give it a few months (lolz, more like a year) and i’ll have the body of a God!
