This is just a quick one really. Maybe it’s the severe lack of sleep this week, but I’ve been in a very deep and reflective mood today. Thinking about past situations, how I should have handled them differently, how I shouldn’t have let opportunities pass me like they did. I also had a fantastic late night chat with one of my aunts the other day which really did open my eyes to a few things.
It’s always easier said than done to change though. I recognise I have a huge lack of self confidence and I’m painfully shy, and do not handle this shyness in the best of ways. Unless you know me very well, and you’re a close friend or family member, I’m sure I can come across as a bit distant and maybe a bit weird? I’m too nervous to crack the jokes I would normally make, or panic that what I say will sound stupid. So if someone says something to me, I think of things to reply with and choose the one which sounds the least stupid. Ironically making myself look more stupid in the process.
I just worry too much that the people who aren’t closest to me are getting the wrong impression of me. The big bloke who seems a bit unsociable, maybe a bit boring, conversation kept to a minimal “Hello how are you? I’m good, you? Yeah fine”. I am more than that, once you take the time to talk to me and we know each other better I am a really fun person. I hate being boring, I’m always up for doing various things. I can have people laughing so much they’ve need to sit down and wipe the tears from their eyes. But because of the way I am, I’m not like that with everybody from day one.
And also, please, do trust me. As a man who’s had quite an eventful life, and could still be heavily judged by others, I am an incredibly open minded individual. I hate seeing other people upset, or worried, and no matter whom it was I would go out of my way to help that person. I would take the time to listen, and if you wanted it, my advice and opinion.
I know I need to do most of the hard work. I need to stop panicking about what others think of me, assuming they think the worst of me, and living my life as if they do think the worst. However at the same time, it really does not help when people seem to give me the bare minimum of their time to be sociable. So I do ask, next time you happen to talk to me, whether that be during the day or relaxing on MSN, try having a conversation with me and get to know me. Because for a lot of people, you don’t know the first thing about me.
