There are three types of intelligence; Academic intelligence (i.e. being a brilliant mathematician, a scientist, etc), common sense and the ability to fit in to society. Through working with the general public since 2006, I’ve observed with great sadness that about 90% of the British population not only do not deserve a place in society but also lack common sense, and in my opinion that’s the most important form of intelligence.
When I speak of people not fit for society I’m sure most of you will know exactly what I mean; People who visit a motorway services and somehow manage to shit on the floor, walls and ceiling but completely miss the toilet, and use a whole roll of loo paper in the process. Even my cat can go to the litter tray and not manage to spread it all over the floor, and he can’t even use a cat flap. Like the cat, these people should be given a good kick (or have water thrown on them at the very least) each time they do it.
However despite this, I think people without common sense are a lot worse, and a lot more frustrating. With the people who shit on the floor you can go home and dream about killing them. Yet it’s the people without common sense that make me want to pull my hair out. These could be people who go to work each day and develop string theory or create artificial sperm, but the moment they show a lack of common sense they come across as being completely pants-on-head retarded.
Take the smart fortwo, for example. This is a small, two-seater vehicle with four wheels, a roof, doors, air-conditioning, CD player and a chunky steering wheel. It’s a car; so why do so many people seem to believe they can be driven on a motorcycle licence? Or why do people think owning one allows them to be exempt from car parking charges? I know it’s a small car, but believe it or not love, it’s still taking up a space in the car park. Also on the subject of cars, “the silver one” is NOT an adequate reply to the question “Which vehicle do you drive at the moment?”
I also have huge issue with foreigners. Now it would be unfair, and racist, to call foreigners stupid. However let’s face it, language issues aside; they do come across as lacking somewhat in intelligence. Britons are probably guilty of exactly the same thing I expect. You have a foreigner approach you/call you and begin chatting away in a language you either don’t understand, or an accent so thick they might as well not be speaking English at all, and therefore you apologise and ask them to repeat it. What follows next is a conversation that could be politely described as bilingual, and more accurately described as ‘them thinking that shouting their sentences quickly will make it easier for me to understand’. Glaswegians, you are particularly guilty of this.
I cannot even be bothered to go into a discussion on religion, not only will I get carried away with my ranting, but I’ll also find myself with someone at my front door armed with a bible and bottle of holy Volvic to try and show me the way. No, instead I will turn my wrath to those people who read horoscopes and believe in them. There are six billion individuals on this planet, of hundreds of nationalities, all of them in very different circumstances. So how could you possibly open up that week’s edition of ‘Hello’ magazine, read the horoscope and believe that 1/12th of the global population will have the same week as you? Although both men and women can lack common sense, it’s those without a scrotum that tend to look at the horoscopes.
Men tend to have a much more serious problem, and this is something I am sometimes guilty of; and that is spontaneous actions without properly thinking things through. My car purchase for example, although I love my Astra, if I had done my homework and properly researched other brands I would have discovered that a BMW Coupé was a lot more affordable than previously thought; Or because I have a mental age of a ten year old, a Subaru Impreza. Sadly the deal on the Vauxhall is done, and it is too late to change the vehicle until at least another two years time. Another example is the gigantic iron hotel we have located in our dining room that houses two small Degus. Like the Astra I love them to bits, but my god I still regret buying the little buggers. Noisy, expensive, and I recently found out the little buggers have been deliberately hiding their food to deceive me into giving them more. This was not a thought out purchase; in fact it was so spontaneous that I had to take the bus home from the pet shop, because the cage I had just bought did not fit in the car…
However my biggest moment of lack of common sense was today, when I decided to leave the house wearing just jeans and t-shirt, knowing I was about to spend over five hours standing in the middle of a freezing cold field. Boy did I regret that, and at one point had to wrap myself up in someone else’s jacket. My hands were so cold that when I visited the urinal it gave me one hell of a shock, although an hour later that had gone completely numb as well. In the end I was so cold I had to apologise and leave earlier than planned.
So there, I’m willing to admit that I do have moments where common sense goes out of the window. Yet the people who know me will (hopefully) agree that it’s nowhere near on the same scale of stupidity that seems to be gripping Britain at the moment. This is why I need to remove myself from a customer service-based career, because sadly it seems to be the stupid people who require customer services the most.
