In an earlier blog, I spoke about people not fit for society, and as an amusing example, I mentioned those incapable of using a toilet. Only occasionally have I encountered such a situation. Usually a service station or a portaloo; the latter being prone to having faecal matter smeared across the wall.
However never did I think I would encounter such an example as I did over the past few days. Thursday at my place of work there was much amusement when somebody found not one, but two dirty brown logs in the middle of the girls’ toilets. I don’t know what was funnier; thinking of reasons how it was done, or thinking of reasons why it was done. What was funniest though was the number of people saying “I can understand one could be an accident but two means its on purpose”. A couple of things here folks; firstly in all my years of life I have never accidently laid a brick on the floor. Secondly, it wasn’t even next to the toilet; it was right in the middle of the room (I heard) between the cubicles and the sinks.
One has to ask though, how does one do that? I know from the number of girls I see get up and “go to the toilet” (talk about stuff, use their mobile phone or reapply makeup) that this is a busy room. One theory was that the scallywag was a girl with a skirt, so time spent crouching stationary was kept to a minimum. Another theory was that it could be a girl wearing baggy trousers, so the unwanted gifts could be slipped down the trouser leg as she walked along. Whatever the theory, it’s clear to see the girl did not wipe her arse, and quite frankly that is disgusting.
After the pandemonium had settled down, and we’d received the usual angry email from the boss, I assumed the event would slowly become a memory. Sadly that was not to be, when today yet another incident had happened in the girls’ toilets. I personally believe it was the same scoundrel who left the poo the day before, as this time a large puddle of wee was found on the floor. My sources tell me the puddle was large enough that it was on purpose. On reflection this is quite an obvious conclusion as it was the female toilets; if you’re a lady and still able to miss the bowl, I highly recommend a gynaecologist.
Yes, whoever is guilty of these crimes should face the sack immediately. However I can’t complain; it wasn’t the men’s toilets and it did provide some high quality laughs to break up the boring day, including puns such as, “At least someone is giving a shit”.
On the whole life is quite peachy right now. Work has greatly improved this week with a new team and new team leader, who already is showing a lot more promise for my own personal development. I am also sat right between two petrol heads, and opposite a computer game nerd. So I’m in very good company for fun conversation. A lot better than the conversation I can have with the customers, now THEY are people unfit for society. For example, if you vehicle develops a fault, what would a normal person do? You and I would go “oh bugger” and then book the vehicle into the dealership to have it repaired. You wouldn’t call head office and simply say “my car needs new brakes”, followed by awkward silence. Also, when I ask “Is there anything else I can help you with today?” PLEASE do not reply with “Don’t suppose you have the winning lottery numbers?” Faking a laugh becomes tiresome after the thousandth time you’ve said it.
I metaphorically jumped into the deep end of the pool and visited the gym in the evening; worried that it would be very busy. Instead it was just as empty as the morning, so my gym sessions can now be done more frequently. I have always hated busy places with crowds, and the gym is the epitome of this hate. I would rather stay on the same machine for twice as long than stop and change to a machine surrounded by other people; I did this last week on the cross trainer and I couldn’t walk properly the next day. That’s how much I dislike crowds of people.
Also, FIVE WEEKS UNTIL MY HOLIDAY. No I am not going anywhere; however there are many reasons why I am excited. Firstly, I’m not at work for nearly two weeks. Secondly, I have my house to myself for one of those weeks. Thirdly, I have a very good friend of mine coming to stay the whole time, which will be absolutely fantastic fun. I already have a party planned (the first ever party I have planned due to NEVER having the house to myself for an evening) and I’m now relying on some good weather. Although my guests do not turn into drunken yobs after a few beers, my brother’s guests last year did. This upset the neighbours; understandably they did not appreciate teenagers singing and shouting in the middle of the street with belongings stolen out of my bedroom, and thus the police were called and we were called a public nuisance by the local authorities. As a result, I am preparing a polite letter to post through my neighbours letterboxes to inform them of the date and time of the party, and what they should expect. I would rather they not piss on my chips on the night.
Let’s just hope I have some money to spend on my holiday. The way things are currently going, I’ll have spent all my spending money on repairing this sodding computer!
